A man has this wife who really has let herself go, and frankly, he’s gone off the boil.
The woman is very upset that he never appraoches her for anything more than a cup of tea or to mend his sweaty socks so she calls up a friend for advice.
Her friend is a true friend indeed, and tells the woman that she has turned into something of a slattern.
“You don’t dress up, or look after yourself like you used to,” she explains, “and no wonder Charlie isn’t interested any more.”
“So what can I do?” wails the wife and her friend gives her some ideas.
Charlie comes in that afternoon and she is all dolled up to the nines, a whip lies on the sofa, and she is dressed in a skimpy negligee. In her hand are some handcuffs.
“Tie me up darling, and then do whatever you want!” she invites him.
So, he ties her up….
And goes fishing.
A wealthy businessman forgets his wife’s anniversary and boy, she is mad!
“You’d better make up for that this time!” she says, and seeing her chance to gain from it she adds “In fact, tomorrow morning, there better be something sitting out on that driveway that goes from nought to 200 like a rocket! AND it better not be second hand!”
He’s now in hospital in a critical condition
Next morning she went out, there was a small package on the driveway – when she opened it she found herself holding a set of brand new bathroom scales!
Boy: Dad, what’s politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we’ll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we’ll call her the government. We’ll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don’t understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she’s asleep he goes in to the maids room but she’s in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can hear him.
The next day…
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government’s fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!
DAD – Son, come in here, we need to talk.
SON – What’s up, Dad?
DAD – There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
SON – I don’t believe; if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.
DAD – Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?
SON – Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
DAD – But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
SON – Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
DAD – Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mailbox?
SON – Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
DAD – So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
SON – No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.
DAD – But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?
SON – Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
DAD – So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?